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What to Do When Your Husband Doesn’t Help with the Baby Because He Works

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Feeling resentful when your husband doesn’t help with the baby because he works? Learn what to do to get him to help you around the house.

Husband Doesn't Help with the Baby Because He WorksA shower. Running an errand. Even taking a 30-minute break from everything. These are all starting to feel like luxuries you practically have to pull teeth to get, except it’s not because you’re alone. It’s because your husband doesn’t help the baby.

He won’t change diapers unless you ask, and even then, he gives you a hard time about it. The same is true with feeding the baby and even giving him attention. You can’t get him to clean, cook meals, or help with the laundry.

No wonder you’re exhausted and never have time for yourself.

Sure, you’re grateful to be a stay-at-home-mom, but your husband doesn’t realize that while he holds a 9-to-5 job five days of the week, yours is 24/7.

It’s easy to let this situation get out of control that you start to resent your husband for not helping with the baby. He might even get mad when you ask him to help you around the house. Even worse? He doesn’t even seem interested in your baby at all.

While it’s easy to judge, especially when more fathers are taking an active role, this situation runs deeper than changing diapers.

Your husband may have grown up with stereotypical gender roles, setting his expectations today. He may not even know how to do chores, much less baby duties, especially if his mother had done everything for him.

And he might even draw his sense of identity as a provider—doing anything else can tarnish the image he has pictured so clearly in his mind.

Still, no matter the reason, letting this fester too long isn’t good for anyone involved, including the baby. Take a look at these tips to turn things around and get your relationship back on track:

One reason for your husband’s resistance to caring for the baby—even for a mere 30 minutes—is that he hasn’t had much practice to do so. Rather than face the disappointment and frustration of, say, not being able to soothe him to sleep, he’d rather hand him over to you to take care of the issue.

The problem, however, is that he doesn’t have a chance to practice those skills and bond with the baby. The more the baby fusses, the less your husband wants to participate. But this lack of practice is exactly what causes the baby to fuss and cry with him in the first place.

The solution? Give them time alone.

Run an errand and leave the baby home with dad. Know that you might come home to a messy house, with plenty of complaints about how the baby didn’t sleep. Don’t feel guilty for going out, and instead see it as one more opportunity they had to spend time together.

And it going to be messy. Remember when you were learning what to do? Your husband now has to go through the same challenges himself. Let him see how it is to care for the baby—he might start to appreciate what you go through. If anything, it’s better than doing nothing and fostering resentment.

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